Muthoni Kariuki Blog

A positive reality

Posted by Edward Karani , Monday, April 26, 2010 6:48 AM

Positive! HIV positive, she had left Mercy sleeping on her bed, she walked around the hostel wanting to clear her head, Mercy’s boyfriend, Mark, did not know that she was positive neither did her family, She remembered how Mercy had gotten infected. It was in during their second year in campus, they were not friends and she did not know much about Mercy, they way she dressed was a bit controversial but Anne had never been one judge and she never thought as clothes of being a big deal. She had always thought that the heart mattered more, Mercy attended the same church as she did, what if the pastor had heard the rumors, what would he think about her. She seemed like a zombie walking around the Hall 12, from the first floor to the fourth floor and back. She finally sat outside hall 12, not knowing what she would do.

“What if I am infected?” she asked herself, she could feel her heart pounding inside her. “What will I do?”

She was more concerned about herself than Mercy’s situation.

“What if by touching her or by her sleeping in my bed what if she gave me the virus.” She was too preoccupied to see the people passing her and to feel the cold that filled the night air. Anne feared that the food that her friend had given might have been contaminated by the virus she had. Mercy had been positive since she was in 2nd year and now when she was in fourth year that is when she felt like telling Anne her best friend, she felt angry and like she had every right to know, them maybe she would not have befriended Mercy that much. She could feel the dread in her heart. Irene, a classmate was headed in her direction, she was coming from town, but Anne didn’t not even notice her, Irene could see the anguish written all over Anne’s face.

“Gal, are you okay?”

Anne did not answer. Irene walked over and touched her gently startling her.

“ Uko poa ?” Are you okay? She asked again. “Don’t tell me you are otaring (getting tanned) the moon,” she joked at Anne.

Anne tried to smile but she started crying instead, she could not fight the tears, they cascaded down her face freely, her arms folded, she let all her anger and frustration out, how could she and Mercy be friends now that she knew Mercy was positive, she scared that she could get infected.

“How do you get infected without sex?” she had asked herself a thousand times that night, but she not help but get scared.

Irene sat down next to Anne and placed her arm around her.

“Anne, nini mbaya? (What is the matter?”) Irene asked.

This was such a big burden on her part and how did Mercy expect her to keep quiet about it. She had seen Mercy crying as she recited the story of how she became positive and how Ian whom she had entrusted with the story had told his girlfriend who in turn had told some girls in their class who were now spreading the rumors. That is when she came running to Anne.

“Have you heard about Mercy?” she asked. Irene looked away, of course she had heard. It had been their topic of discussion, that previous night, and many other nights before.

“About her status.” Anne went on wiping her tears away.

Irene breathed in. “The whole class…I think the whole of main campus knows.”

Anne nodded, she was unsure of why Mercy would hide such a thing from her and tell Ian, who could best be described as CNN or BBC that needed no tuning.

Mercy was a Christian and in church and a home they knew her to be a very upright girl. Anne knew her also to be an upright girl what after a bad start in university found her footing later on. Why would they claim that she had infected like the whole class if she had not slept with anyone. HIV/Aids suddenly became a reality to her, it had been a thing that the world claimed affected Africa, but she had never really experienced someone who had HIV and if she did then she did not know.

Irene looked at the crying girl; of course, everyone not only in their class but the whole of main campus knew of Mercy being HIV positive. As a matter of fact they had known about it for months.

Anne looked at Irene, she felt bad discussing about Mercy, her best friends condition but she really needed someone to talk to about it, otherwise it would drive her crazy with worry and fear for the rest of her life.

“She is sleeping in my bed,” Anne began. “I can’t sleep with her in the same bed, what if I get infected.”

Irene seemed to be really thinking about it.

“You can’t sleep with her on the same bed because; sweat and other fluids contain the virus” Irene said eventually. “You also need to wash your beddings with hot water.”

They spoke ignorantly, but the dread in Anne’s heart continued to increase. What had she gotten herself into? What in the world had Mercy gotten her into?

Irene got up. “You can come and sleep with me.”

Anne looked her. “Thanks.”

The night watchman seated nearby had been listening to their conversations. He shook his head in disbelief, it was not the first time he was hearing of such.

Irene began to walk away. “Remember to wash your beddings after she is gone.”

She smiled as her class mate walked away. In that cold night Anne had to make decisions.

“Mercy and I cannot be friends.” She said firmly in her heart. “Two do not walk together unless they have something in common.”

And they had nothing in common, to her Mercy was just but a kawaida (normal) campus girl, with no morals at all. Anne had quickly forgotten that she could have easily fallen into temptation a couple of times herself. The funny thing is that they had grown up in the same church, but they never knew each other.

“It is true, bad company ruins good morals.” She thought. “It is because of hanging out with Mercy that I have been feeling like this wanting and desiring, things that I shouldn’t, no wonder my spiritual life has been down.”

She walked back into her room, with Mercy fast asleep in her bed.

“She is not worth it; I cannot be friends with a girl like her, all these time and the things she has been doing.”

She could not help but be disgusted, she sat down on her chair, her head was now aching, she gently leaned towards the table and placed her head on the table.

“What a life,” she thought. “My prayer is that when I open my eyes in the morning I will have graduated and left this horrible university, one that turns saints into sinners.”

She felt like Mercy had destroyed both their lives. She was at crossroads, this was something that affected the youth in her church, and maybe she should tell the youth Pastor, he would definitely know what to do. He could help her. But knowing her church, Mercy would have one of two choices, stand in front of the church and confess, or leave the church once and for all, who would even talk to her anyway. Anne at that point did not care what would happen to Mercy, all she wanted to salvage was her reputation.

Anne also knew that her youth pastor was aware of their friendship; he would insist that Anne and Mercy’s boyfriend also go for the test in his presence. Anne had already gone for the test, but it made her feel bad because, as a campus girl, they had always suspected them, now they had enough evidence to nail the three of them on the cross. What would her mother say? This was turning out to be the worst day of her life.

Maybe if she told the youth Pastor before the rumors got to him, he might be lenient with her. She was angry with Mercy; she gently lifted her aching head and looked at her.

“Hypocrite!” her heart said. “This all your fault.”

She thought of her friend, David, he could help her, they had been friends for the past one year, he always listened to her when she needed someone to, a shoulder to cry on, even in the middle on the night she could call him, he had been away in Mombassa, but that morning just before he boarded the bus to Nairobi, he had called her and she had wished him journey mercies. She used her hands to feel for her phone in the pockets of her jeans but it wasn’t there, she looked for it on her bed but it wasn’t there, she took her keys and was opening the wardrobe, in search for her phone, when she spotted it being charged. She went and took it; there were so many missed calls from Annette and a message. Looking at her watch, it was almost 2am in the morning.

She quickly read the message; it was from Annette, another of David’s friend.

“David passed on today”

The message initially read. She did not get what it meant. She read on, she could feel her heart racing.

“In a tragic road accident,

On his way from Mombassa.”

Her phone dropped immediately. David was dead! Her whole world just went silent. Her hands desperately searched for her seat, she sat down, and covered her ears. The tears were back. Her heart was overwhelmed; she wanted to scream it all out. She started sobbing, waking Mercy up. She turned.

“Are you okay?”

“Yes, yes,” she said in between sobs. Even before Mercy could sit up, she got up and rushed out into the bathroom. She opened the curtain and his herself inside, she cried her heart out, and David was dead!