HOW TO KNOW YOU ARE DATING A PSYCHO: MY STORY
Posted by Social Matters , Saturday, October 3, 2015 12:58 AM
The other day I got this email: -
It seems like a harmless email from a guy I may have broken up with or had broken up with me but that was not the case. Now, this is a very personal story. You see, let me start from the last sms I got from the guy before this, it might sum up everything.
Now, let’s start. This experience taught me that I am a typical human being, vulnerable and at times easily manipulated. Now the question from the above communication would be why I would want to friends with such a man. You see I learnt that psycho dudes have the weirdest mood swings, one minute you are evil, the next they are apologizing and want the very first thing you wanted in the first place, friendship. This happened so many times with him saying he was going to get help at some point.
I will keep to the basics of what I learnt about being in a somewhat abusive relationship. All the signs were there I did not miss them, I ignored. It was supposed to be a ‘teach me how to swim’ relationship nothing else. On date number one, as we are swimming he says, I am not like other guys in the pool, trying to fondle girls, I am different. Yet he took me to the deep end and tried to kiss me when we were under water, I immediately popped up, and pretended not to have noticed that. Then when we are having coffee he says ‘you are not like other girls, they are b******. That was sign number two, I said as a young woman you cannot respond to every guy that cat calls you or shows interest, interestingly enough I became a b**** soon enough. I ignored that! And it’s not that I wanted to be in a relationship desperately. I did not but I thought he was a really nice guy. He was a gentleman, and you do not meet these quite often, he wanted to pay all the bills, he wanted to know how I was doing, he seemed like a gentle soul battered by the world and I wanted to be the savior.
The third sign was on that same day. He said he had volatile temper and his friends had crossed him and he retaliated and I asked ‘why not let go?’ I should have stopped there, I did not.
He said he was a jealous guy and I said, I cannot date a jealous guy, I have very good male friends who have stuck with me through thick and thin and I would drop a man first before I dropped them. These are men who have believed in me when I did not believe in myself.
You see I have never been in a volatile relationship. It has always been so easy with other others that I have dated, when it ends it ends, there were no words thrown at anyone, but whether it was me or the guy that chose to walk away, nothing like this has ever happened to me. Yes the usual challenges were there and there are some frogs and jerks along the way, but mostly it was typical.
I said I am attracted to you but I do not want to be in a relationship, I had a lot in my plate, work and school and I did not think he was the one. He agreed with me. I said if I enter a relationship too quickly, it will not last and I would rather we be friends if it grew from there that I would okay, if did not, okay. I really thought that was clear, one week later I was his background picture, he was holding my hand in public, he wanted me to use his tuk tuk driver to go home, he was telling me he had told his parents about the girl he was going to marry, at two weeks, he could not go anywhere without me, and not feel lonely, he was planning a tour of Mombasa, he talking of waking me up in 2017 to vote, and he was the victim in his last relationship which was sketchy, she left him but now she wanted him back. Something was off, but because he passed the gentleman’s test, I kept ignoring everything that I saw. It was clear yet not so clear… Someone said something was off. I said to my sister ‘this is the kind of guy that you would want to be friends with if I decided I did not want to be in a relationship.’ I was wrong!
To be continued...
