Malindi; That first day, what you should do and never do
Posted by Social Matters , Sunday, August 9, 2015 2:51 AM
After that long journey by bus, you are finally in Malindi and you are wondering what do I do? Hakuna matata, here’s a comprehensive guide to a successful first day in Malindi: -
1. Get a hotel with a swimming pool, do not worry hotels in Malindi are pretty cheap, with one thousand or less you can get a pretty decent place, one where people will not mistake you for an overdressed commercial sex worker. That is possible you know in Malindi, you got to know that. A swimming pool is a must because the weather never gets cold and so the water is always warm.
2. Go to the beach and take pictures of the funny signs in Italian and Swahili, this is definitely little Italia, minus all the illegal immigrants, add a beach boy/ masseuse/guide/ cook/male commercial sex worker (they claim to be very good at what they do and it’s not selling sea shells at the sea shore, unless there are no sex tourists) and you have an awesome photo opp.
3. Walk around the beach and realise that it’s not as crowded as the beaches in Mombasa, realise it’s an opportunity to relax, do nothing and have fun, forget about sex tourism and drugs. If any person tries to talk to you, slap them, you are on a holiday no need for emotional attachment. That is what took you to Malindi in the first place.
4. Draw a love heart in the sand, it might be the only genuine ‘heart’ you get in life, life’s a beach, play with the sand.
5. Play with the waves and water, like you do not have care in the world, whilst imagining the romantic scenes you see in the movie.
6. Then remember to have nice relaxing shower in your hotel room to remove all the sand in your hair. It probably will not come off until couple of weeks later but playing with the sand is a must. Make weird faces and takes selfies.
Now there are people who must stay away from Malindi at all costs: -
1. The ‘you must dress decently’ in Malindi, please do not bother; otherwise you might end condemning every single person you meet on the way. Beside the thought of wearing all those clothes is extreme heat and humidity is enough to put someone like you off.
2. The ‘you should not date people from other races’ kind of people. In Malindi the girl in front of you is probably married to an old, really old Italian dude, did I say really old, I meant ‘ancient of days’ dude whose probably in the same league as father Abraham, when children sing father Abraham and he is around, they probably assume its him, the girl behind you is either dating one, or is being kept by one, or is desperately trying to get one. Even the men are trying to get their wives, sisters or daughter’s hooked up to one. So at night when you see a commercial sex worker half naked, remember they are not doing it for you dear Kenyan, you might must be collateral damage. Maybe they should open a shop where you can buy old Italian dudes at a bargain, oh wait! Most bars already serve as brothels, what I am thinking?
P/s ladies, Malindi is not the place to meet men, white, African, or whatever, they might only be mistaking you for an overly dressed commercial sex worker. Also never fall for a beach boy, unless you are in the business of taking care financially of an overgrown man child with drug issues and no sense of direction, the only thing this boy is going to know is that you are his ‘mommy.’
