Dating a Typical Kikuyu Guy: Here’s 10 things that you need to know
Posted by Social Matters , Friday, November 13, 2015 9:36 AM
Dating a typical Kikuyu guy has always provided me with moments of laughter and moments of utter complementation where you ask yourself ‘Am I really this desperate?’ Recently I went out with one and here are some of the things that I picked about those typical ones: -
1. They know some of the really cheap places they can take you for a date, at times that means walking around Nairobi as he does calculations in his head on how the cost differs from one hotel to another. I know of a very cheap Kikuyu guy who kept wondering why girls were leaving him. I could not tell him but this guy was really cheap. He takes a girl all the way from Kiambu to Arboretum so that he could ask her to be his girlfriend and he had a well paying job to make it worse, she said no! Then he took me a hotel in Nairobi where we had tea and mandazis or was it sodas, as he shopped for a TV worth over Kshs 25,000/-. If you dare ask for chips, he will remind you how unhealthy that is.
Their perfect idea of a date is buying a kilo of meat and you cooking it in your house followed by sex and then they will leave you to wash up after, as they relax on the sofa, typical. During my date with that Kikuyu guy, he told me he loved a home cooked meal and that was his perfect date and so I asked ‘So do you know how to cook?’ Your guess is as good as mine.
While Ujaluo ni gharama the opposite is true for Kikuyu men, and they firmly hold to the belief 'Ukikuyu si gharama'
2. Is it a business deal or a date: - A typical Kikuyu guy can make a date sound like you are in a business meeting, as he is telling you what he is currently hawking, sorry, selling, he is like you know I can get it for you at a price cheaper than the market price, do you want the original version or the Chinese.
3. They have really hustled: - the last Kikuyu guy I went out with, had dropped out campus, he was into sales and marketing, he constructed websites, he had been a mtu wa mjengo, he owned an mpesa once, he had written academic papers and proposals, I really could really help but smile as he went on and on about everything he had done in his short life and how much more he wanted to do, including owning a plot and a matatu, which led to his ultimate dream of being a millionaire. I know everyone wants to be a millionaire but Kikuyu men desperately want to be millionaires, their motto is get rich or die trying.
4. They hate gold diggers, they like women that work.
As he buys you that plate of chips, he will gladly remind you of how much you can save if you ate at home and how much he hate gold diggers. They forget you cannot gold dig a poor man or a hustler.
5. They have a typical Kikuyu accent, there is nothing annoying as a guy with a typical Kikuyu accent trying to sing along to ‘ronery’ sorry ‘lonely’ in a matatu full of people and he is looking at you. Is there a way you can pretend you do not know someone without hurting their feelings.
6. They will never help you with your bag, the other day I am walking in town with this typical Kikuyu guy and I am carrying this heavy bag on my back and all he noticed was that the straps were inside out and he was scared that was going to leave a mark on my back, so what does this gentleman do, he adjusts the bag on my back so that I am more comfortable carrying it. Yes I blocked his hand angrily.
7. They have a low opinion of women generally, that typical Kikuyu guy believes that Kikuyu women prefer to be single mothers and they love money.
8. While he might have problems spending money on you, he does not mind treating himself to one for the road or maybe two. I am sure we all know who has a problem with alcohol in Central Kenya
Yes it will be a while before he pays your parents a visit. The most amazing thing is that they are always saving but they are always broke.
9. They will make statements like ‘this mountain imagine if it were sub divided and sold, now people are paying 300 to just hike it, how does that help the economy?’ ‘This Uhuru Park imagine owning it.’
10. His pet name for you might be 'nyina wa Ngania (mama so and so): - I dated a guy who used to refer me as Mama (insert his mothers name). That really used to annoy me. How is referring as the woman who gave birth to a child named after your mother supposed to be a turn on?
This is not talking about your average Kikuyu guy this is about that TYPICAL KIKUYU. Yes there is a difference. So I have not generalised men from any community.
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