Muthoni Kariuki Blog

World Cup and Marriage Jokes with a Kenyan Touch

Posted by Edward Karani , Wednesday, June 9, 2010 7:56 AM

When a man says that he wants to get married after seven years, what he is actually saying to the woman is. “You are not the one.”
I have a guy friend, in 2008, in the sixth year of a relationship with his high school sweetheart, they had been dating ever since they were seventeen, six year later, the guy is done with campus so I ask. When in the wedding (2008). He says one more general election to go, that’s five years later, five plus six, eleven, that same year they had already broken up.
We have been dating for five years, what are you waiting for get married. After two years together, you are just wasting each others time.
If a guy has such plans, it means you are just a by the way. Just passing time together, though its pretty wasteful for the party that is broken up with.

Personally, after one year, that’s a lot, after six months. You need to lay out the basic reasons for your relationship. Otherwise, he or she might be wasting the good years of your youth.

“I was praying and God revealed you… I had a dream where God showed me that you would make a good wife.”
Means: He is a very scared man, don’t marry such. He’s afraid of speaking his mind.
“She said yes, but I am still waiting for a revelation from God.” Ladies it actually means that he might really not like you. Biblically speaking, you pray before not after, when Adam saw Eve, he did not pray, he went after her.
I think, such men give the bible and God a bad name. To slow to act, and undecided, if you are wanting for one, know that such fear rejection and they might take a couple of years to get round to asking you.

I have known a couple of Christian guys who I was into, but by the time the came to asking, neither party was interested.


“Lord is she the one? I like her but I don’t know about spending the rest of my life with her, she doesn’t seem straight to me, look at how she is dressed.”
Jacob knew he loved Rachel and he wanted to be with her, there’s no thinking about the ‘what’s and if’s’. Other wise, this guy is having serious doubts about you or me.
And for the campus girls, guys are always asking us.
“You are not like other campus girls are you?” Of course I am. I am in a campus and that makes me a campus girl. Plus if you think I am loose and money minded and have slept with every other guy that I met, and Koinange is like my bedroom, please leave me alone; there are other girls, millions in Kenya that you can date.

But this is the introduction men expect from us. “Hi, I am Anna, a virgin from the University of Nairobi, a good mannered girl, a character like none other, despite being a student at the University of Nairobi.”
I am not in the habit of advertising myself.

“Football is more important than my wedding day or the day that my child was born,” is another way of saying. “I am mean, I value nothing and I don’t deserve anything good in life.” Or “I need help to decide on what is of value in my life and what is not, like football,” hey Arsenal fans relax, take a deep breathe, and you don’t have to kill yourself. It’s not heroic; no one will remember you for it. They will not hold a minute of silence for you. But they will marvel at your stupidity.

I bet Jacob Zuma’s favourite footballer in South Africa is Cristiano Ronaldo, a man after the very heart of Zuma. I South Africa’s president has a lot of questions to ask Cristiano and John Terry.
From Zuma to Cristiano:-
• It seems keeping them as girlfriends is better that having them as wives.
• Congrats! You are doing a lot to improve international relations, having dated from England, USA, Spain and now Russia. How do you do it?

At the end of it, I think Cristiano should sign for a club in SA.

From Cristiano Ronaldo to Zuma
• When I grow old I want to be like you, still attracting the babes.
• I want to have the wives, the girlfriends and the fiancée’s living under the same roof, what is your secret.
I doubt Cristiano Ronaldo is the only one who admires Zuma, John Terry must be a fun too. Since he and Zuma are masters at how to torture your first wife and get away with it. True Zuma and Terry must be a constant headaches to their wives with their constant sexual exploits.

For JT, a few tips on how to be a ‘player’ and not lose your position of power while at it may be of much help to John Terry. Nice world cup every one.