How not to get infected: The Dummy Guide
Posted by Social Matters , Friday, December 7, 2012 1:01 AM
I need to compile these data before my boss gets here, having spent the better part of my morning chatting with my friends about the good old days when life was cheap, only because my parents was spending their money mostly on me, and my brothers, and all had I had to do was wake up very early in the morning though it wasn’t necessary but I could hardly wait to get up, my body itched each second more I lay on that bed, now my body aches every single second that I get out of it. A feeling of satisfaction fills my heart each night, not for a day well spent but for the very reason of knowing that I will be laying on my bed, and not have to make a single movement. But five shilling was a lot of money back in the day; I remember that since that is all my parents used to give me as pocket money daily. I must have been among the richest kids in my school. I doubt this is the reason that my editor pays me at the end of every month. My assignment was rather simple and interesting, though I truly believed that it was a rather silly one. People’s assumptions on HIV/Aids, I could have easily written that without having to interview university students more so the male students. Plus my editor needed to cut these kids some slack. If they had grown up like me, then they must have known how HIV was spread and the gospel of Abstinence, Be faithful, and Use of Condoms were one that they were familiar with. Anyway how do you get to the University and be ignorant as my editor claimed, of a disease that affected millions of people in this country. But obedience is better than sacrifice or so they say. I obeyed and these are some of the responses I got, at ‘The’ University. Apparently the article ‘the’ is a big deal, at the university which has state of the art buildings and pavements but the students seemed to hardly have anything nice say about their classrooms neither about the men and women who impact knowledge on ‘tomorrow’s leaders. Crème De La Crème 1: Everything to do with the fart This is the way I find out if a girl had an STD. Just make sure I find out how she farts and if she does it at all. Me: What does that have to with STD’s? You know that sexually transmitted diseases are not spread through farting. (Hoped he would get the hint from the name itself.) If she farts and it smells really bad then that proves that she is very healthy. Me: How do you it? Do you follow her with your head on her butt? No. Just feed her on a lot of beans, they have to come out at some point. Crème de la Crème 2: ‘Thirst is everything’ On the first date I would buy her a sprite, make sure it is a sprite all the other soft drinks may not work as well. Getting her to drink a sprite is very easy; simply don’t ask her what drink she wants. Then after she drinks it, I wait for her stomach to rumble. If it does then I know she has an STD or even HIV/Aids. Me: What if she was just hungry, her stomach rumbles a lot. I am sure yours does the same when you are hungry. This works you know, the rumbling that her stomach produces is distinct, because no normal person ever produces such a rumble. Me: Why not get tested or observe the ABC’s of HIV/Aids. Well, we are getting there but presently there is always a simple way of not getting infected. Me: Does that work for sure? My friends claim that it does and they are not infected. Me: How do you know? Have they been tested? Have you been tested yourself? Are your friends medical doctors anyway? (Getting rather touchy and emotional, not good for the job.) No. But at times when you get tested even if you are negative you might test positive and I don’t feel sick, why get tested. I am not supposed to judge right? But aren’t these were supposed to be the crème de la crème of the Kenyan society, our future leaders, surely they were intelligent to know that a shower wouldn’t cut. That seems to explain why the rates of infection in institutions of higher education were high. It did make me rather angry. Crème de la Crème 4: What size are you The HIV/aids virus hides in the waist, more so of women, if a girl has a small waist then wouldn’t even touch her. If you know a person who has the virus then you know that their waist is very small. Me: How many do you know who have small waists? You know having a small waist is very fashionable today. Like a mosquito’s that is not normal my dear. Anyway if you are walking around town and see all these women who have really small waists, do not be deceived. They have it. His was more like an observation exercise, though he needed to get to the lab and get the data he needed to prove his hypotheses. Crème de la crème 5: Hair? Try and pull off a strand of their hair if it breaks then you should know that she has the virus. Me: My hair breaks off all the time. (I wasn’t trying to scare him away.) It needs to be pulled, can I? Pretty sure the interview must have added at that point, never knew that hair pulling could be so sensual. Crème de la crème 6: A pinch of… I knew my girlfriend was not infected because when she lay down on my bed in Hall 24 in campus I pinched her stomach and immediately it went back to being flat. Me: How else would it go? Remain up for a couple of seconds then I would have been very suspicious of her. You know it’s not everyone who claims to be a virgin is a virgin, especially in such a country where damaged goods are unacceptable. I did not nod in agreement. It’s not like I understood what he had said to me. Me: Yes but why not visit a VCT, its more safe and secure. When I decide to tie the knot, you can be the counselor if you want. It was clear to me. I was the ignorant one. I was a social scientist at least that is what my degree claimed I was trained in. How then could we get eradicate this disease if we had no idea of such superstitions. For some they were real to them to others these were some of the beliefs on how not to get infected that they had heard from their friends. Crème de la crème 6: Body size, smoothness of face Finally the all familiar idiot, I had almost given up hope of finding such. I am an African man and I know the natural shape of an African woman regardless of where she is from Africa. So if she doesn’t have the weight or the shape, and she is African then she must be having that disease. Me: Why not get tested? It is easier. Seemed like it was for the one thousandth time that I was asking this question, somehow it all made sense to me, not how they all worked for the good of society but the missing link in the fight against HIV/Aids. I could see a small flicker of light at the end of the tunnel. I have but it’s good to know that there are other alternatives. Hey. I could smile as I moved to the next interview. Not such an idiot I suppose. Crème de la crème 7: Just a glimpse… It’s that simple, if someone doesn’t have an arm, you can see it for yourself. You don’t need to be told. Right? I was the one asking the questions. HIV is just as similar. Show me a person and I will tell you as easily as the tea I have every morning sails down my throat smoothly if they are infected. I am yet to be proven wrong as of yet. Me: have you been tested? No. Do I look like I need to be tested? Me: What would you do if your girlfriend asked you to go for an HIV test? Why? Does she doubt herself? I know myself I do not need a test to tell me something that I already know. Me: Don’t you care about yourself? Rules are meant to be broken, aren’t they? I know I am not counselor but an urge to enlighten filled my heart in waves of emotion that I couldn’t control. Me: You know you cannot prove what you are saying, how can you tell if you cannot prove it by facts. I gathered a lot of information though I am not really sure I was of help to any these young men, but I do hope that one day as a society we will look back at laugh at our folly. The foolishness of our thoughts and actions and find it hard to believe that we held such beliefs. Then we will have conquered, the greatest obstacle being fear. And I did conceive some to visit the VCT with me so that we could prove their beliefs wrong, though I just ended with beliefs when I spoke to them. Now that’s enough for my journal, let see if I have enough to transform these into an award winning article, here comes the boss and I am as sure footed as a goat he is not interested in my journal.
Post a Comment