always waiting
Posted by Social Matters , Wednesday, October 16, 2013 10:04 AM
STILL
WAITING, ALWAYS WAITING
Of course she looked older, but no older
than thirty though she was only twenty four, she may have been odd looking, but
she was a young campus graduate with a promising future. Alicia Kimani had a
good job which she did not need to do use her best features to get it unlike
her beautiful elder sister, there was no flashing of white teeth there, or
showing of her ‘ample’ cleavage . She just walked in and let her CV and brain
do the talking. She smiled at her silly thoughts, as she stared at the
beautiful Nairobi evening sky, it was not as peaceful as it portrayed, she
reflected at her parents on the other side of the city, how many times had
their recently constructed bungalow been broken into, somehow its seemed these
thieves, enemies of success had all the time in the world to cut the metal
railings near the window as her mother screamed, only a few metres from the
police station… it was frustrating that every other day she was forced to buy
new household items to replace the stolen ones because Mwihaki was too busy
being chased by men to even care, luckily she lived on the other side of
Nairobi, the leafy suburbs, the sort where when she driving into, it felt like
she was somewhere in Europe, because of its posh nature and sophistication, as
the security guard opened the gates into her 70,000/- per month apartment, he
could tell that even though she was plain looking she was a successful woman,
security worried her the least in her new found life, what worried her was her
bulging forehead and her lack of enough hair to cover it, to make it worse her
hair not only was it stunted but it was brown, how could she forget the
kwashiorkor mocking chants as a child, her shoulders were broad like a man’s
and her chest was flat, her thin legs looked like she had been playing football
her entire life. Then there was her plain face, the sort that men forget
easily, it wasn’t impressionable, it was rather dark but not so…it was more
like someone had rubbed ash on a black surface, it made look older than she
already was.
Luckily she got the brains that passed
through the school system with passing colours, a few months later she landed
the dream job with an international organization, a couple of business deals
later, she was wealthy, it all happened so fast, and now all that was missing
was a man, to love her as she was, though she was scared that the money drew
the men even further away. She stared at her night lingerie any average woman
would look smashing in it, but no, it seemed like she was a girl trapped in a
boy’s body. Bringing her to the current predicament, Karanja! A few weeks
earlier their organization had organized a legal workshop for young women and
men, to discuss all the changes taking place in the country especially with a
new constitution in place. The seminar was successful, she felt different,
maybe it was because of the designer long flowing black weave she was wearing,
but she got her first ‘but you look so young compliment.’ From
Karanja off course, the bangs were covering her forehead and the long flowing
gowns she wore hid her unflattering legs. Karanja was a third year Law student
at one of the local universities, he was tall, light skinned and very handsome,
and he kept smiling at her, towards the end of the workshop he asked for her
number and befriended on facebook, though she did not spend a lot of her time
on social media as she love seating in her balcony and watching the handsome
Englishman drive home each evening, he always came home at around 10pm, he would
park his car before stopping to talk to the caregiver, he had no ring so she
assumed he was a single young expat from somewhere in the UK, but nowadays it was getting hard to tell, then
he would stop and chat with the caregiver, who seemed to organize housekeeping
for all the residents including her, he would then stop and stare at her
balcony, their eyes would meet temporarily, before she would quickly go back to
reading her book, whether it was the blues eyes or the blonde hair she was not
really sure. Social media simply reminded her of the people who mocked her
growing up but now wanted favours from her.
Karanja was only two years younger than
her, the prince she thought that she had been waiting for. He started each day
by proclaiming she was the most beautiful woman in the room, she felt
flattered, he pulled her chair for her, and made sure she sat next to him all
the time, even when she attempted to pass him deliberately. He made her feel
like a woman, he texted her good night every single evening after walking her
to her room. He was all she could think of. Now there was a real man in her
imagination, one who she could dream off, he would finish campus, go to the
Kenya School of Law and become an advocate of the High Court, then she would be
married to a prominent lawyer in the country, who knows maybe one of them could
run for an elective office someday or maybe he could become the chief justice
of the great republic, from the way he spoke, argued and presented his facts,
he seemed to have right qualities for a very successful lawyer in the future,
but the best fact was that he made her smile, even her mother noticed her plain
daughter who she was very worried about had that glow that spelt love, maybe Alicia
had met a man who could love her as she was, that was her only prayer.
Two weeks later, Karanja asked her for a
date, her legs shook, like she was caught unaware in the first ever snowstorm
in Nairobi, an event extraordinaire, her heart beat, she felt like it was going
to burst, then they could say she died of excitement, her blouse was already
wet with sweat, she could hardly wait for him to finish so that she could say
yes.
He took her to a very expensive
restaurant, she wondered how he was going to pay for it, but he seemed relaxed
in pair of jean trousers and a black t-shirt, he ordered the most expensive
dish in the menu, while she looked radiant in her red sun dress, and whoever
invented weaves should have won a Nobel Peace Prize for Peace, the peace and
happiness they brought to women like her was inexplicable, she ordered
something cheap, she did not want to dig a hole out of his pocket. Karanja did
most of the talking, how his parents were struggling to pay fees for him, they
were tea farmers and he was a self sponsored student.
‘Tea farmers.’ She thought,
they were definitely not poor, from what she had read they were doing quite
well. At some point, he spoke of looking for a sponsor; she just listened
though distracted as she ate her food, lost in the moment, thinking about his
last comment, about her beautiful figure. She only became alert when he thanked
her for asking him out for a date.
‘I-I did not ask you for a date.’ She stammered.
‘Karanja
you asked me out.’
Suddenly it hit her like a bucket of
cold icy water, Karanja was not in love with her he was looking for someone to
foot his bills in exchange for sex.
‘It’s ok Alicia.’ Karanja tried
to save face. ‘I only that since I am a jobless university student and you an older
woman.’
‘What!’ the glass of water from
Alicia’s hand fell with a thud, breaking into several tiny pieces as her heart.
‘I
told you I am only two years older than you.’ She found herself
insisting.
Karanja thought just like every woman,
she was lying about her age, he seemed rather embarrassed as the waiter tried
to clean up the mess. Alicia could see that he did not believe that.
‘I am sorry Alicia…I thought we all
wanted the same thing.’ Karanja apologized. ‘Why would I wanna date an older
woman if not for…’
Second cold bucket of the evening, she
felt her whole body shake in disbelief. Her heart shattered into the proverbial
million pieces, her self esteem vanished, her eyes wanted to let out, but her
heart would let them.
Still…’ he held her
hand, she pulled back.
Yes she was a plane Jane and a bit desperate.
‘Please
can I have my bill?’ her voice shook as she requested the waiter.
There’s no way she going to be a twenty four year old cougar that was unheard
of, she tried to convince herself.
‘You are not going to pay for this.’ Karanja seemed
shocked. This had never happened to him, not with such a plain looking woman.
Alicia Kimani took her handbag and
walked to the counter to clear her bill, she feared the wait would be too long
than her shattered self esteem could take, before desperation fully set in, she
needed to be as far away from Karanja as she could.
She was back to sitting at her balcony
with the only man exchanging glances with, white but it would have to do for a
girl given a pretty name so that it could hide the plain looking girl behind
it, at times it scared her that people would hear her name and be disappointed
when they saw her face, maybe they should have called her Mary or Jane. As her
eyes sank deep into her book, she hoped that one day when she became older
being a cougar would not be her only choice, she stopped and glanced at the car
park the Englishman was still staring at her, she sank her eyes back into her
book, half heartedly promising to wait for the prince that might never come.
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