Nice guys finish last
Posted by Social Matters , Monday, October 28, 2013 10:05 AM
NICE
GUYS FINISH LAST
‘Nice
guys finish last.’
Kamau let out an audible sigh. ‘What do
women want?’ he wanted shout from the sandy valleys of Lake Turkana to the
sandy beaches in Mombasa, but he knew the answer to that, they wanted a man,
tall dark (not as dark as him), handsome and rich. No woman wanted to date nice
guys such as him, they didn’t care that he was a doctor, a young and successful
doctor who had his whole life ahead of him, like that lunch time he had finally
mustered the courage to speak to the girl of his dreams…literally, they kind
that left him feeling like he was in heaven, the girl in his dreams every night.
That event had taught him a lot of things he should NEVER say to a girl. Like,
there are some late night fantasies that they may never want to know that they
are part of.
Anyway this girl, he knew her by her
first name Andrea, another lesson that life changing event had taught him,
never to date girls with fancy names, next time he was looking for a Mary, Jane
or Mercy, from the first day he had laid his eyes on her he could not tell
whether she was a really light skinned Kenyan or a point-five, but she was
beautiful, even when he took off his glasses, for he was indeed short sighted,
like three of his siblings, and his father, as if that was not enough, he had
asthma, well it ran in the family…bad genes as his ex-girlfriend had pointed
out, the only girl to have agreed to date him, only to dump him a couple of
months later, another life lesson he had learnt, never tell a girl you are
dating that your family has some defective genes added to a lack of height and
good looks.
‘Asthma
is genetic.’
Anne his then girlfriend seemed puzzled. ‘So
that means if we get children, they might be asthmatic.’
Yes that was a turn off it seemed.
‘Why
do you cross your legs like a girl?’ she asked. ‘Oh my God you are going to cry!’
Anne seemed to have a problem with
everything that he was.
Then there was Andrea, she had just been
employed into the civil service a couple of weeks earlier, she seemed like a
beautiful city girl trying to adjust to a village life, it wasn’t easy, she had
applied for the job just to show her father could, but she was trying, she was
that beautiful Mercedes Benz stuck in some sand somewhere in the remotest place
in Kenya, but the engine would not die and slowly she was pulling herself from
the sand and starting to enjoy the rural freshness. Still, a beautiful classy
woman like her would never fit fully in such a small town, more like a village
shopping centre. So that day, Andrea sat with one of her female workmates at
their usual place, Marigu-ini Hotel, a small eating place with benches instead
of chairs such that all their customers sat awfully close to each other, the
food was alright, in all the years they had been in operation no one had
complained of any ailment, despite their low standard of hygiene. Andrea
took some time getting used to the food and the hotel, her father was rich man,
one of the wealthiest in Kenya, he owned thousands of acres of prime land, his
investments in real estate and the hotel industry was immeasurable, so when her fridge dried out, she had no
desire to cook, it was one of those alien things to her, she tried the food in
the small hotel and it didn’t hurt her stomach and she wanted to blend in, no
one could know who her father was, maybe if Kamau had known this he would have realized
how incompatible they were. Her bright brown eyes lit up the rooms and her
teeth seemed like they were pulled from a toothpaste advertisement, every one
man wanted her and so did Kamau.
And Dr. Matumbe was in luck, there was
an empty seat right next to Andrea, yes even his name was another reason why
girls seemed to avoid him, so he used his father’s name Kariuki for all the
Kikuyu girls he tried to chat up. Seriously no woman seemed comfortable being referred
to as Mrs. Matumbe , he could never understand how eggs could be so disgusting
to many women.
‘Can
I call you by your first name?’ one of his classmates had him asked in
campus. ‘Your last name is just weird,
what was your mother thinking?’ she rolled her eyes as the rest of her
click joined her in laughter.
He mustered all his strength, passed an
empty bench and sat across Andrea and her friend.
‘Hi
my name is Simon.’
He tried to join in their conversation.
It was one of those days he wished he
had carried his white coat so that she could see he was a very important person
in society, but some women were so blind, one had asked him if he worked for the
nearby butchery, women were not so easily impressed, another life lesson.
He looked straight into her brown eyes. ‘I’m a doctor at the District Hospital.’
Andrea just stared at him in half
disbelief, but not too bothered, she was used to men falling over for her, at
times the attention was good, and it got her services faster that the average
looking woman plus some services she got free, all because she was beautiful,
but free was not an option for a young woman who had been accustomed to
everything that she ever wanted.
‘Do
you girls want sodas?’ he asked in courtesy. ‘Si this place is so hot.’
There was awkward silence for a second
before Andrea resumed chatting with her colleague.
‘If
only Nai wasn’t so far away.’ she lamented. ‘One of these days…’ she bit her tongue.
‘Acha
you silly dreams, Madam you know who will never allow the ‘I was coming from
Nairobi’ excuse?’ her colleague chimed in. ‘Darling forget about it and your dad am sure has something to do with
all these.’
They spoke like city girls, the heavily
accented English with a bit Swa-English here and there, he wanted her even more
and no rejection was going to put him down. He seemed to get him break when
Andrea received a phone call, her colleague turned to him.
‘So
you are a doctor.’
She sought confirmation.
‘Yes.’ He smiled.
‘She’s
Andrea and I’m Shiro.’
She introduced them. ‘We work for…’
‘Registrar
of births and deaths.’ He jumped in too quickly.
Shiro seemed a little bit uncomfortable.
‘Everyone
knows where you work.’ He tried to make her feel easy. ‘You two are like the most discussed item in
the doctors’ room.’
Shiro tried to feign a sweet smile.
‘You
and And-ri-a are in a lot of our dreams as well.’ He let his
mouth take the lead as usual, this was close to the point that he learnt you
should never tell a girl that she has featured severally in your crazy dreams.
‘All the doctors talk about you so highly.’
‘So
you like do everything including childbirth.’ Shiro tried to change the topic.
‘Yes,
but for childbirth they only call us when there’s prolonged labour, or a CS,
you know a caesarean section.’ He said animatedly. ‘Childbirth changes women; I mean I can put both hands in there in certain
cases like after the second child.’ He laughed heartedly.
Shiro almost poured her neighbors’ hot
tea in all the shock of what this complete stranger was telling them.
‘And-ri-a…’ he tried to
chat to her as soon as she was done on the phone.
‘Andrea…’ she corrected
him. ‘Why are you talking to this freak?’
she rolled her eyes turning to her friend. ‘Yes
I understand we are in some village somewhere in Kenya but dear stop…please.’
She moved her perfectly manicured hands, her skin was blemish free.
Her voice was silky and cool, it gave
him the determination not to give up on a girl he really liked, and maybe she
would come around.
‘I
am a doctor.’
He addressed Andrea. ‘Anytime you feel
unwell, come and see, I will treat you for free.’
‘Dude.’ Andrea responded.
‘If I felt unwell, AA would come and get
me in a flash, besides I don’t do cheap and that includes poorly paid doctors.’
Her father loved her a lot and luckily
she had only told him after she got the job, after a couple of months she would
quit and help her father manage his investments, they were only three daughters
and her two elder sisters were already
working for him, it was only a matter of time before he sent for her. It did
not surprise her if he had some people watching over her but she was a free
spirit.
Andrea turned Shiro. ‘Hebu we go, before this germ infested
doctor, infects us with something.’
Then it hit him, she was not playing
hard to get, she was hard to get.
Shiro paid, as Andrea waited for her
outside, Simon decided to try his luck one more time, he quickly rushed outside
not to wanting to miss an opportunity.
‘I
am sorry if I was upfront about the stretched out vag…’he stopped
himself from saying the word. ‘I am a
doctor, you see a lot and it just changes the way you see and talk about
things.’
All the while she seemed like she was
listening, it felt amazing to be so close to her.
‘I
sit like next to you every day, at lunch time.’ He smiled. ‘I just want to say I like you and I am a
nice guy. If…’
‘Look…’ Andrea stopped
him. ‘In your district hospital, to they
treat stupid.’
He seemed confused, he seemed the
sarcasm.
Shiro didn’t understand why this guy was
doing this to himself, Andrea was tearing him apart and he didn’t even seem to
notice.
‘Can
they like prescribe a pill that kinda increases your self esteem because you
need it.’ She finally let him have it. ‘I
don’t do pathetic, I am not in your class, and I am so ashamed of the me that
has been doing rounds in your perverted little mind, arrgh that is so
disgusting, am gonna need some shots.’ She studied him from head to toe. ‘I am like so embarrassed to be seen with
you. So you little roach, look at you I would die if someone saw me walking
with you…arrgh.’ She seemed genuinely disgusted. ‘What would give some guy like
you, confidence to talk to someone like me?’
As they walked away, he could hear
Andrea telling Shiro that was the last time she was visiting such a cheap dingy
place and that she was calling her father and asking for a position in his
company.
‘Ati
this ka-dude went to Starehe School.’ Shiro also decided to take a punch at
him. ‘Do you even know what that means?’
Simon felt his confidence fade away,
some nurses giggled as he made his way to the labour ward, word had already
reached the hospital, it all reminded him of Anne, the day she dumped him, all
he had wanted to know was why the girl he had tried to chat up had said no to
him, even before he asked her to be his girlfriend. ‘I am a nice guy.’ He said to himself.
‘Nice
has nothing to do with being plain looking.’ Anne had told him as she
dumped him over phone as he called to wish her goodnight. ‘You are a messed up little man with self esteem issues, who needs his
momma or a psychologist to make him feel better, I am tired of having to put up
with your humiliations and you trying to put me down so that I can be a
pathetic feeling person like you.’ And this was only a month later.
‘I
am sorry if that is the way you felt.’ He tried to apologize.
‘Simon!’
she
yelled. ‘You wanna know how I felt, I felt
like I was wore the pants in this relationship while you behaved like a sad
little girl with massive body issues which translated to major mind boggling
SELF ESTEEM ISSUES.’ She screamed towards the very end.
He could not help that his lips were
disproportionate to each other, and his teeth seemed to be shaped differently
from each other, not to mention his short thin looking body.
Still he was nice guy and they always
came last, years later he hoped Andrea would see what she had missed by being
rude to a nice guy, all because he was short, wore glasses and was not in the
same class with her, or at least he hoped. His princess would come one day and
maybe she would love just as he was, if not she would love him because he was a
doctor, that had to count for something.
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