11 LESSONS I HAVE LEARNT ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS FOR 2016

Posted by Social Matters , Wednesday, December 23, 2015 5:51 AM


1.      Date someone you can respect; I have heard women several times when they argue with their men say ‘look at you, what sort of a man are you, you cannot even provide for your family, useless.’ Or ‘this is not even your child.’

 You see every time I go out with a guy and I find myself reminding him of his faults, it becomes clear to me that if I ever dated such a person, I would constantly be picking out their faults because I cannot bring myself to respect this person for whatever reasons.  You see when a man does not love you; he will remind you of your faults, when a woman does not respect a man, she pick at his faults mercilessly. Familiarity does not breed contempt, it’s lying to yourself that you could be okay with certain character traits.
2.      Be picky or divorce later on: - Every time I have had doubts about a relationship and the doubts kept growing and growing and I ignored them, the relationship always ended badly. Please address these doubts at the very beginning do not settle, if  there are things that are deal breakers for you, these things will be magnified once you get married and they will become even a bigger issue once you are settled. If there are some character ‘flaws’ that you cannot handle please do not settle for this person.  If someone’s height bother’s you, or the fact that their face is round, or that they drink, you need to think twice about dating them.  

3.     Never ignore the danger signs: - If you partner is grossly insecure, wants to put in a bubble, is a violent, is overly jealousy, just walk away. The sooner you do it the better.
4. You cannot change a person, and neither can they change you. I guess the decision to change is always for you and no one else. A woman can pretend to be the cleanest and neatest in the world, a man can pretend to be a perfect gentleman, but the truth is you can only pretend for as long. The truth is in the detail of not how he treats you but how he treats the people around you, see a person can pretend with you but when around other people they are not familiar with the cover falls.

5.  Never settle just because someone pursued you relentlessly or they are your good friend; now this is a real temptation, there is that guy who has liked you for years but you do not think a relationship between the two of you can work. Marriage is hard and unless two people have something in common, you cannot walk together. This is my Achilles heel, I am the sort of person who is not able to say because the guilt eats me up, and I don’t want to hurt this person and even if I say no, I will always beat around the bush ‘I like you but…’ This is wrong; also it’s misleading and unfair to the other person. I think even with friends if they keep pursuing you must seat them and demand they respect your decision.

6.  Never date a man who has loose ends; If the man has children, observes how he treats them, if he is mean or rude to the mother of his child and if he does not treat his children well, if anything should ever happen between you two, he will be treat you and yours disrespectfully.

7.  It is important to know someone; I am the person who falls in love with my whole heart and then as I begin to get to know someone I start to fall out just as quickly.  The whole process takes a month and then I realise I do not feel the same way. I realise that no matter how many times a guy says he loves me, if I do not know him, I should never ever feel the pressure to say it back. Remember your partners past in a great determinant of how your relationship will turn out, family background (are they the interfering type? And what happened to his previous marriage), what is his cultural background (does he believe that you need to shave your baby’s hair or does he believe your child needs to protected from witchcraft), are able to adapt to his beliefs, will be able to adapt to yours. How has he handled the challenges he has faced. The same applies to women.
8. Never date a married man: - This is really important, and not because you are stealing from another woman, but because a man who cannot respect his wife, has no respect for the women in his life and imagine if he can cause so much pain to someone he took a vow to love and to cherish, this man will hurt you badly. Ultimately the reason not to date a married man is for you because no woman deserves such a man. Come women lets up our standards.
9.  Do not be scared of being alone; At times people are afraid of letting go because they are afraid they will not be able to find someone else and they do not want to be alone. But being alone is not bad, get to grow and enjoy life as a single person then you can learn to share your life with someone else.
10. Never compromise on your boundaries: - You can never meet someone halfway when it comes to boundaries during dating. If a man wants someone he can have sex with, he needs to look for that. If your boundary is no house call, no kissing, no sex before marriage, and you really believe in it, stand your ground. When it comes to your body, there’s no half way mark.

11.      Communicate, be honest: - Never pretend to be something that you are not, do not wash his clothes so that he can put a ring on it, do smile to his rude mother and then take it out on her ten years later. Do not pretend to be a homemaker if you are not.

Photos: Google





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